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mcccxxxvii over =WaR=

This evening the miraculous, marvelous, meticulous (sup alliteration) MCCCXXXVII (yes that?s 1337 in roman numerals) partook in what was a great battle with clan =WaR= (sup pun). This match was played on fry_baked 8v8 for Team Fortress League?s 2a Division and was belligerently intoxicating.

First and foremost let me lend my thanks and gratitude to the troops at =WaR= who are always a pleasurable bunch to play and continually play legitimately and with sportsmanship. Our relationship with them as a whole does not whatsoever restrain sentiments of animosity or what some would call ?a relationshit.?

With that let me give you a brief background of how the match started:
After choosing a team (i.e., the red team or the blue team) and before respawning, players must pick a class. Each class has its own unique strengths and weaknesses, which are offset by other classes. The interdependence between the various classes represents the foundation of TFC. For example, the Scout is the fastest class in the game, but has weak armor and weaponry. The Heavy Weapons Guy (HWGuy) has deadly firepower and massive armor, but is the slowest class. Despite his heavy armor, an unsuspecting HWGuy can be quickly killed with a backstab from a disguised enemy Spy, but a Scout can remove the Spy's disguise, and the HWGuy can provide very effective support fire for a Scout trying to escape with the other team's flag. As such, TFC's class-based structure creates a Rock, Paper, Scissors dynamic wherein each of the classes offer important counters to each other.

Accordingly, I give you the match:

Round 1 started off quite slow. The first cap (by =WaR=) at 3 or so minutes and us following up at about 7?
Dark-Soldier started lagging pretty bad and in HLTV we were laughing at him (naturally). This gave room for everyone?s favorite TFC Poster Child EdEddNEddyFan (I realize that these capitalization?s might not represent how his name is actually used in-game, however I decided that to avoid copyright laws that edy has indeed passed, that what I chose would suffice) to come in. Once Mr. Fan came in things started to change for the offense, again, this is in no way demoralizing Dark-Soldier?s capability as a whole (but lets be honest, a DARK SOLDIER ON OFFENSE).
Things stayed pretty steady until about 16 minutes in until mcxvi could not stop capping. I give major props to our offense as well as to =WaR= in general because they did put up a good fight. The round ended with mcxvi on top 16 flag captures to =WaR=?s careful attempt of 4 flag captures. But lets be honest for a few moments and say that (fuck)?

I?ll get back to that later.

Our fearless leader Phil ?The vampire? Idontknowhislastname has been absent for about 4 weeks now, not being in college but rather possibly ?being sent to Iraq to die,? in the words of our almost (actually it wasn?t even close) Commander in Chief John ?Ugly Face? Kerry. The best part about Phillip being indisposed is the fact that we all have his telephone number and love to use it! In constant contact with ?Vampire? he creates a roster for us based on who is there for practice and whom he knows deep down rapes this frolicsome game known as Team Fortress Classic. In the midst of with the intention of that being said mcxvi?s offense was as follows:
Killian ?The Seasoned Vet? Naillik
Slim ?I killed D.v.S.? Mils
Dark ?I lagged out? Soldier who then was subbed out by EdEdd ?I am way to young to say faggot? EddyFan
Numb ?I hate stupid people? Bmud

Round 1?s Defense encompassed:
Excell ?Lick my cooter? Yrrej
Colin ?dirby sucks at hw? Ronaldo
Crz ?I love female engineers? Azy
Kyle ?Pootytang? Jones

The MVP for offense round 1 is mexi (sleepymexican to be exact) because he was a rant and a riot in HLTV. He helped our offense out immensely and raped the defense with his mad ?All Seeing Eye? skills.

Defensive MVP goes to crz?s Sentry Gun that racked up a total of 66 kills whilst only being up an average of 46 seconds, you do the math.

After the usual banter of ?I wanna play cocksucker? and/or ?Give me playing time please daddy!? (this latter quote is said with big puppy eyes that have a hint of a tear in them and usually followed up by a stupid fucking retort like ?/me gives *insert whoever makes the roster?s name here* a blowjob?)

Well lets jump right back into it, r2 roster was posted with no changes in IRC, then crz (acting leader if you will) lagged out and as the droll folks we are decided to change the roster.
S|im decided to come back in but instead of being a medic and healing everyone in site he quickly stopped at MIT receiving a degree in Mechanical Engineering, bought a hard hat at the dollar store and stole his Father?s wrench (yes all within the time allotted for prematch which is approximately 3 minutes).
Colin (or as he?s known in the soccer world: ?The cockiest mother fucker on the planet? yes ronaldo) stayed as HW guy and apparently s|im?s degree was strictly a B.S. because colin got more kills than him.
Excell returned as soldier, and forthrightly there is not much else to say besides, ?He was in 2sM.?
Kyle undoubtedly nicknamed ?Pootytang? for a good reason returned as well as soldier and I recall him saying over the in-game microphone voice record, ?Well I just raped him, haha.? Enough said.

Defense detained =WaR= once more only letting out a single cap the whole time while being pummeled by MIRVs (which incase you individuals did not know is an acronym for Multiple Independently targetable Re-entry Vehicle, and no I am not lying) as well as dealing with Excell?s constant ?INC TOP SIDE? bind which was said a total of 101 times during the occasion of Round 2.

Offense is where the changes (besides our MIT grads on Defense) took place.
Killian once again returned and heated it up once again getting 3 of our 8 caps round 2.
Dark Soldier was able to play because during the interval of Round 1 he threatened to blow up his ISP?s Office Building as well as told the executives he would spend the night with their daughters (one of them even had an infant). DS just as well came back with a bang and got 4 of mcccxxxvii?s 8 caps.
Christ-Puncher (what a sac religious name) subbed in and helped keep Sentry Gun?s down.
Dirby also came in (I hate that cheating faggot), Despite the fact that he is incredibly amazing and got the first flag touch of the match only 18 seconds into game time. The followed it up 3 minutes and 15 seconds later with the first cap.

So round 2 was filled with MIRVs (once again those are Multiple Independently targetable Re-entry Vehicles) in the yard and a bit of Offense vs. Offense which in moderation can be a bit fun. The round finally ended in mcxvi?s favor (again I know) 8 Captures to =WaR=?s (once again good attempt) 1.

The final score of this epic match was:
mcccxxxvii: 25
=WaR=: 5

Now back to what I was saying earlier if you recall (psilence).

Learn to read between the () and you?ll understand

Thank you again =WaR= for a fun clean match. I want to give a shout out to Vampire who is the savior of TEAM FORTRESS CLASSIC. He owns ever class and has since birth (yes he was a beta beta beta beta beta beta beta beta beta beta beta beta tester for the game). He will be back with us next week and we wish him the best as well as his hot girlfriend Kristen (who all 20 or so on our roster say ?Hey baby!? too).

With that, I bid you adieu?
Until next time my friends!

-dirbypants

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